Coors Light Invades Moscow: In Russia, canoe has sex with YOU!!

by David Lauterbach
2010 June 30

The Vodka capital of the world is about to find out what an American beer is all about. Molson Coors Brewing Co. announced Tuesday that Coors Light will be availble in supermarkets and bars across the Moscow region. Wait, what!?

Americans were stunned to discover that our newest ambassador to the fourth largest beer market will be the Silver Bullet. A Russian representative in a Molson Coors press release states “We are very optimistic about the future success of Coors Light in Russia as we have put in place all the ingredients required to build a winning brand.” We suspect the word “brand” was lost in translation and Coors will actually be building a winning bland.

Ha-ha. But seriously, it’s never been a secret… Coors Light is a favored whipping boy of Brian’s Belly. Through the years, the winning bland has only fueled the cynicism with new inventions, like the can that turns blue to let us know it’s cold, and the box with a window in it so you’ll know when there are still cans in the box.

In the past, witty visitors to our site, such as “Nick” said of Coors Light: “I would rather drink my piss. At least that way I would know whose piss I am drinking.” Reader “Jammer” adds “I’m not sure it’s beer, but you still have to be 21 to buy it!”

Not all visitors to our site out-and-out bash the Rocky Mountain refreshment… some only do it through back-handed complements… reader “Luke” says “Tastes like shit, but a full can makes a good paperweight.”

Although no solid link has been found, it seems obvious to the autor of this sarcastic blog post that this news is somehow tied to the Russian espionage ring recently uncovered. If we’re sending them Coors for secrets, we’d better check the data.

Pardon us please, while we pay for beer...

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