In its pursuit of pure banality, Anheuser-Busch InBev hit a new low today as it decides that 55 calories is too many to have in a “beer.”
Don’t get scared… they haven’t found a way to “brew” “beer” with less than 55 calories (yet) but they have decided that 12 ounces might be too much “beer” for some “drinkers,” so Anheuser-Busch “proudly” presents “Little Lights,” which is Select 55 in lower-calorie portions.
Select 55 Little Lights will be presented as eight-ounce, 35-calorie cans. If 35-calories is too damn high, you can opt for the seven-ounce clear glass bottles of light straw-colored liquid that will weigh in at 32-calories.
In case you’re counting, a seven-ounce bottle of Select 55 has 0 grams of fat, 0.8 grams of carbohydrates and less than one gram of protein per bottle. The alcoholic content is 2.4% so I would imagine this may be the first “beer” that is safe for consumption by children since, according to this clever calculator, the total alcohol content is 0.168. A regular 12-ounce Bud is 0.6.
Anheuser-Busch says that drinkers of Select 55 “have evolved,” and they “saw an opportunity in the marketplace and developed ‘Little Lights’ to meet it. We think Select 55 drinkers will find them to be a great option for times when a smaller size is ideal.”
Via press release at PR Newswire.