PETA Attacks Super-Sized Celebrities

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• May 17, 2004 at 1:48 pm #7256
  David Lauterbach

  Keymaster

  The madcaps at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (you know, PETA) have turned their attention towards overweight individuals.<br />
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  Typically PETA gets up on their high horse (don’t worry, its a tofu horse) with the intent to destroy anyone who pets their cat too hard, squashes the cockroaches in their cupboard or sees a McDonald’s on the highway. In one of their latest campaigns they’ve decided to simply start insulting overweight celebrities.<br />
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  PETA is weighing in on a group of men that they call the "flab five" with their "Veg Eye for the Fat Guy" campaign in an effort to give these five larger-than-life stars "a meat-free makeover that will help them look and feel like new men."<br />
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  One of the five men assaulted in their <a href="http://www.peta.org/news/NewsItem.asp?id=4354"><strong>pun-filled press release</strong></a> is Brian’s Belly Heavyweight Hall of Famer <a href="https://www.briansbelly.com/halloffame/johngoodman.shtml"><strong>John Goodman</strong></a>. "A favorite on both the big and small screens, Goodman will be too big for any screen if he doesn?t act fast," says the release. John Madden, a serious contender for a 2004 Hall of Fame seat here at The Belly, is also tackled as he’s told to "take a page from the PETA playbook: Pass on the ‘turducken’ and rush for the salad bar."<br />
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  American Idol star Ruben Studdard topped their list, leading us to believe that PETA must know better than America when it comes to choosing a weight class to idolize. Also offended were Luciano Pavarotti ("he?s three tenors rolled into one!") and media whipping-boy Michael Moore, who is probably used to being offended for a variety of things.<br />
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  PETA refers to these "Flab Five" as the "lucky" stars who will receive their makeover kit, which includes samples of "delicious, low-fat veggie food," including "fib ribs," "fakin? bacon," and Tofurky, which we believe may also be an expletive.

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